Education, etc.

How many times have you let the fear of rejection prevent you from putting yourself out there, applying for the promotion, program, or opportunity to upgrade? If I had a dime for every time I was told some version of “you are not good enough”, I could probably buy myself a nice dinner at a very nice restaurant, probably multiple courses, too. But I learned a valuable lesson about 10 years ago: I have a choice in how I let rejection impact my life.

I used to let rejection rule my life. I used to listen to the voices that said I could never, would never, should never, etc. But in March of 2011, I stopped letting those voices keep me down and started letting them inspire me. I shared with someone that I wanted to start running, that I thought it would be good for me. I was a newly divorced single mother of young children and needed a way to destress at the end of the day. Childcare was taken care of; it would just be me and the pavement. I was excited. And he said, “running, you will never be a runner.” And I almost listened like I would have any time before. Instead, I let those words motivate me. I bought running shoes, I downloaded music and a running program, I signed up for a 5K race that would take place 6 weeks later, and I hit the pavement. About 2 weeks into my training, I realized the 5K I signed up for was really a 10K, so I pushed harder. When I crossed that finish line right around 60 minutes with a face as red as a tomato and dripping sweat, I knew I would never let rejection rule me again. Instead, it became my fuel.

I few years later I was at an open house for the beginning of the school year. A parent approached me and said I would be teaching her child chemistry for that upcoming school year. She asked me about my qualifications. I was excited, I had never been asked that before. I proudly explained that I had a degree in chemistry and have taught it for many years. She said, “So you don’t have an education degree? How can you be considered qualified to teach chemistry?” I was dumbfounded. I have a 4-year degree in the subject the child is taking, and the mother things I am not qualified. Once again, rejection became motivation. I applied for a master’s in education at our local university. In my motivation I might have gotten a little too overconfident because that did not go quite as well as I had planned.

After applying for a master’s in education, I was asked to meet with an advisor. She said, “I reviewed your transcript, and it looks like you must have really enjoyed college.” Uh, no, I am not sure that many people would have enjoyed some of the classes I struggled through, but she seemed to think so. I had to look back and blame that whole fear of rejection thing for not getting a math tutor in Analytical Geometry / Calculus II, that I took 4 times before I finally passed it, but that was back when I let rejection pull me back instead of propelling me forward. Her suggestion was to enroll in their university and take several undergraduate courses to raise my GPA, although she was not sure just how many I would need to take. Instead of going home and crying in my pillow, I took that opportunity to consider maybe the timing was just not right.

A few years later I reapplied for a master’s in education at the same university and I was accepted. I walked into the first day of the first course with a determination to make nothing less than a 4.0. I was determined to prove that advisor wrong, that I was a student worth admitting to the program, a student who did not have a good time in college, I took hard classes and I was going to knock this program out of the park. I later found out I was going to be rejected again until someone else at the university reviewed my transcript and suggested they take a chance on me. I completed my masters work with a 4.0, was inducted into Kappa Delta Pi, the International Honor Society in Education, and held my head high. I had never been an all-A student or admitted into any kind of honor anything, so these were huge accomplishments for me. I must say, I credit the advisor who first rejected me for the motivation I needed to push myself to my academic best. Maybe I will send her a thank you note.

Fast forward a few more years and I decided a master’s degree was not where I wanted to stop. I wanted more. I wanted a doctorate. I found a program, I researched the time requirements, I talked to my husband about the strain it would take on our family. He is amazing and always willing to step up, so that was not the problem. It was the voices of others who said I was being selfish by putting my goals ahead of being a mom, that my children would need me, that I already had a full-time job and a family, how would I balance everything? Those voices wanted me to shrink back into my current roles and not reach out, not grow, not pursue my dreams. This is the part of the movie when the hero decides enough is enough and puts on their costume and prepares for battle! And boy, I was prepared.

Thanks to the wonderful support I received from my husband and encouragement from an amazing mentor, I have pursued my dreams and I will complete my Doctor of Education in 3 months, once again with a 4.0, once again with honors, and once again with rejection being my greatest motivation. Although the last 3 years have been tough at times, I have felt like I was finally there, I was sure I had finally reached the point where rejection would no longer be needed as a motivation. And then I applied for a leadership position. I was told that although my resume was impressive, I did not have a leadership certification and that was a requirement for the position.

With that in mind, this coming summer I will celebrate my doctorate with my friends and family. I will travel to my graduation, I will wear all the regalia, and I will be proud of all that I have accomplished. And this fall I will start the courses needed for my leadership certification. Because for me, rejection is motivating.

It is up to you where you go from here. What are you holding back from? Who told you that you could never do something, were not good enough, or not qualitied, and you listened to it? Why are you letting that voice of rejection hold you back when you could turn it into the motivation you need to become all that you are capable of being. You are the only one who can decide what you allow to limit your potential. Get up, buy the running shoes, apply for the program or the promotion, take the chance, and if you get a no, take it as a not yet, and pursue your goals with the motivation necessary to move mountains. I think I will send that thank you note after all, after graduation, when I can sign it “Dr. Hayes.”